I’m just brutally honest! I’m a very direct person. I hear this all the time.
It’s not a good thing! 9 times out of 10 it’s from a person who is either rude, doesn’t want to balance their opinion or just has limited EQ. The intent is rarely to assist the person they are directing this honesty toward and is more about pulling them down.
You can be honest, without being brutal, direct without being an A**hole.
Furthermore, you should be tailoring your communication based on the relationship, trust and care you have for the other person.
I love this visual from Kim Scott’s book – Radical Candour
It really sums up what is looks like to have high care and high candour as well as giving a picture of the other quadrants of care/candour to avoid.
Don’t get me wrong, candour has a place but it needs to be balanced with care.
This is an area I am consistently looking to improve on. In my early days as a team member and leader I would have regularly fallen into the obnoxious aggression box. I feel I have matured in this space as a leader and have taken steps to ensure I build the right level of relationship, trust and care to be more candid.
That doesn’t mean I shy away from constructive feedback but the level of candour and the communication style will vary based on the relationship I have with the person receiving the feedback.
Striking the balance here is what is critical.
Gary Vee talks about kind candour, Kim Scott about radical candour, John Maxwell about high candour and high care.
What is the key ingredient all these have in common? The high level of care.
How you deliver feedback is important.
How do you do this?
Start with care. Always start with care!
When people know you care they are much more open to candour. Team members need to know that you want them to win. In your actions, (most importantly) your words and how you show up for them.
From this position you can also show empathy, understanding, build respect and understand what drives your team on an individual basis. Winning and learning together creates psychological safety and a safe environment for people to express themselves without judgement.
Care involves reading the signs, it’s about listening actively, acknowledging emotions, and considering different perspectives. Take the time to understand the uniqueness of your team members and build a culture where everyone is heard and valued.
Celebrate and recognise success while putting in the building blocks for active coaching and development in a live environment.
Balancing candour and care is not straightforward, but it is essential for driving performance and maintaining a positive work environment. Here are some practical tips to help achieve this balance:
Build trust - Establish a foundation of trust within the team by being consistent, reliable, and transparent. This leads to people being more open to engaging in honest conversations.
Build psychological safety - Create an environment where team members feel safe to express their thoughts and opinions without fear of judgment or negative consequences. Encourage curiosity, welcome diverse perspectives, and value all contributions. Be aware of those who don’t speak up in meetings, during training. Find ways to engage them in the discussions.
Actively listening - Actively listen to understand, not just to respond. Give undivided attention, maintain eye contact, and show genuine interest in what others have to say. Ask great follow up questions.
Provide constructive feedback - When offering feedback or addressing performance issues, focus on specific behaviours or actions. Frame feedback in a way that highlights areas for improvement while also emphasizing strengths and potential.
Encourage collaboration and teamwork - Foster a collaborative environment where individuals support one another and work together towards shared goals. Encourage cross-functional collaboration, facilitate team-building activities, and recognize collective achievements.
Lead by example - Leaders play a crucial role in setting the tone for candour and care. Model open and honest communication, show vulnerability, and actively demonstrate empathy and understanding in your interactions.
If you can find this balance you can see a significant uplift in results and performance, build a culture of transparency and improvement and consistently look to challenge each other to find the next level.
The next time you look to be ‘Brutally Honest’ perhaps take a moment to think……..does this person know that I want them to win? Are they convinced that I want them to win? Measure your candour with your care and you are on the right track!
For further insights on candour and care I recommend you check out the following:
1) Radical Candour – Kim Scott
2) Twelve And A Half – Gary Vee
3) The 360 Degree Leader – John Maxwell
4) Dare To Lead – Brene Brown
5) The Culture Code – Daniel Coyle
Each of these books discuss the topic of candour/care, psychological safety, emotional intelligence and leadership while weaving in other topics.
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